It’s joke time.
Found this one in my inbox this morning. I’m not sure whether they are based on actual events. Nevertheless, they’re worth a laugh or two.
Telesales agent getting the customer’s credit card info:
Agent: Can I have your expiration date, sir?
Customer: My what?!!
Telesales agent giving promo spiels:
Agent: You called at the right time, ma’am. We have a lot of freebies to give away, such as free installation, free equipment, and free DVD player. That’s a great offer, di ba?
Agent verifying info from the customer:
Agent: Is that a P for Ping-Pong?
Customer: No, it’s B.
Agent: Oh, B, like Bing-Bong…
Customer trying to return a defective product:
Customer: I need to return this defective sauna belt that you delivered yesterday.
Agent: For that concern, you can call our customer service at www.picustomerservice.com.
Customer: Call where??!!
Agent answering a call:
Agent: Thank you for calling Dish Network Department, my name is Vince….. (sees that the number called by customer is for a different client– a DirecTV dealer).
Customer: So, I called the wrong number then?
Agent: Let me transfer you to DirecTV please dont go…. (puts the customer on hold, and then)… Thank you for calling DirecTV Department, my name is Vince…
Agent wrapping up the sale:
Agent: Our INSTALLATORS will contact you within the next 24 hours to verify your installation schedules…
Customer: Uhm… say what, now. Who’s gonna call me?
Agent: The INSTALLATORS, sir.
Agent getting coupon code from customer:
Agent: Can I ask for the coupon code? It’s a bunch of letters.
Customers: Like ABCs?
Customer: Ok. ABCDEFG….
Agent giving the customer service web address:
Agent: It’s P- as in Papa, I- as in India, C- as in costume, U- as in you, S- as in Sam, T- as in Tango, O…. Oscar…V- for Voy…
Agent wrapping up the sale, trying to give the account info to customer:
Agent: I will now be giving you your account number and order confirmation number, do you have a PEN and BALLPEN with you?
Agent trying to create urgency over the available promotion:
Agent: Are you sure you don’t want to take advantage of me?
Customer: Say, what?
Agent trying to upsell a warranty:
Agent: Here’s an example: In California, a plane crashed into a customer’s house, their dish was replaced, no questions asked!
Agent trying to upsell a TiVo to customer:
Agent: With a TiVo, you can do this and that, and you know, pretty much anything under the sun. Isn’t that a great offer?
Agent was asking the customer about the cost of his cable service:
Agent: How much are you paying with your current provider?
Customer: Well, I’m only paying $25.00 (–which is way cheaper than what the agent was offering)
Agent: (Surprised) Shet, magkano??!!
Agent getting customer’s address:
Agent: Can I have your address, please?
Customer: It’s twenyfurfif-ysavan newyaorkgh road (2457 New York Road)
Agent: Can you repeat that ulit?
Agent asking the customer to be put on hold:
Tech Agent: Sir, Can I hold you for just a minute?
Customer: Sure, baby, go ahead!
Agent verifying correct spelling:
Agent: Is that a B as in boy, or a B as in Bravo?
Customer: …uhmmm… how about B as in Boy?
Technical Agent giving customer support:
Agent: Is the ethernet cord connected?
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with Alabama accent)
Agent: Yung yellow cord kung nakakabit ba!
Agent from a local phone company entertaining a Visayan customer:
Customer: hillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin??
Agent: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Customer: Hende naman.
Agent: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Customer: Ang alen?
Agent: Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Customer: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
Agent: Di ba sabi mo walang ring?
Customer: Hende! yong BELL! yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!
Agent: aahhh… yung BILL?!
Technical Agent: To help you out with your concern, ma’am, let me just pull out my tool here, ok? (referring to a computer program used in call centers to address the customer’s concerns)
Customer: Pull out your what now?
Tech Support: Okay, Bob, just type P on your keyboard?
Customer: What? Could you repeat that?
Tech Support: ‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: No way. I’m not going to do that.
Agent: Sir, that is C for Cubao, Q for Quiapo…..
Customer: What is that?! I dont understand. I don’t want to talk to you.
Agent: Who do you want to talk to?
Customer: I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: My supervisor is not available as of the moment sir.
Customer: I said, I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: Ok, you want to talk to the highest person?
Agent: Do you want to talk to God?
Customer: what the f***! I’d rather talk to you.
Irate Customer: F***k you!
Tech Support: Sir, we’re not allowed to say “F***k you!” here…
Agent: It’s C as in CAT.
Agent: C as in CAT. C-A-T as in meow meow…
Agent: Thank you for calling us, this is Candy, how may I help you?
Customer: What did you say your name was… Mandy?
Agent: No, sir, it’s Candy.
Customer: Sorry, i can’t hear ya… didja say Mandy?
Agent: It’s Candy sir… Candy… as in Storck!
Agent: Alright, let me verify that… Was that a “G” as in golf?
Customer (with a different accent): NO! That was a “G” as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Oh, Gebra! like the one in the Goo?!
Agent: Yeah, sir….hello sir… are you there?
Customer: Yes, sorry. I’m still there.
Agent: Ok, sir… do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready?
Agent: Oh, Im sorry, sir… i mean, do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?
Agent: I’d like to speak with Billy Thompson please?
Contact: He’s not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
Agent: Sure, SIGE..
Tech support: We’re going to perform a check disk to see if your hard drive has errors in it. Please type in C-H-K-D-S-K.
Customer: What is that again?
Tech Support: C-H-K-D-S-K… that is… C as in Charlie… H as in Harley… K as in Karly.. D as in Darley… S as in Sarley… and K as in Karly… got it?