What might have been, it’s most probably the hardest question you’ll ever ask yourself. To live in utter regret and confusion, as memories of lost opportunities seep through your inner spirit. As you see your dreams go down the drain even before you plunge in and give it a go. A question perhaps you’ll never know the answer, not even when the opportunity, no matter how rarely it may seem, comes knocking at your door the second time around.
As time passes by, circumstances change. Nothing is the same. No matter how hard you convince yourself that you are better off with the way you are now. There will always be a point in your journey where you stop and ask this improbable question. And would you call it malcontent, irreverence towards where God led you, or is it just part of our human nature to question our frailty in standing up to our decisions? I don’t know.
Sometimes I feel that maybe it is God’s way of showing us that we are free beings, beings who make decisions out of the desires of his heart, out of the fleeting emotions one feels at a certain point in time? Yes, free beings, and no matter how free we are, we are however not free from the consequences of our decisions. We could either, live in shame, sulk in regret or move on hoping that the next decision we make won’t create the same amount of disarray in our system.
In my 23 something years of existence, I have asked this question a tad too much. Is it my lack of confidence in my own capacities? Is it my overtly eager spirit? Truth is, I don’t have answers. What I do know is that when I made my decisions, Christ was with me, and as I go along, either regretting my decision or rejoicing in utmost glee, he would still be with me. I may not have sought Christ’s counsel in some of the decisions I’ve made, but I know that he was with me and continues to be with me, for he said in his word, “I will never leave you nor forsake you”, and that ought to be enough comfort to any disgruntled mind asking the question of “what might have been?”.